The Broken Penis Talk

This week on the show Dr. Laura Berman tells us how to talk to our kids about sex.

It’s too late for my oldest son, let’s just call him Sweetie Boy. Everything he needed to know about sex he learned from Oprah, Dr. Oz and a knowledgable local expert; his ten year old friend.

Two years ago Sweetie Boy wanted to ride home from dinner with me alone. He sat behind me as I drove through the darkness and asked me how to get a certain girl to notice him. I explained that forcing things is tough because so much of love and even just “like” is inexplicable, subject to taste, whimsy and worst of all the fickle female brain. I went on to tell him that he will be learning more about boy/girl stuff with his dad at an upcoming class. As it turns out, he also learned forty different slang words for penis. Every dad had to contribute one. His father, My Attorney, went with “Schwanz.”

I was shocked when he piped up with “Don’t worry mom, I already know most of it, we’re talking about sex right? I learned the basics from my BF and filled in the rest from Oprah.” I was now driving with every muscle in my body clenched. “Which Oprah was that,” I asked. In a sheepish voice, Sweetie Boy replied, “Oh sorry mom, remember when you sent me to clean the entryway? Dr. Oz was on talking about broken penises. I could still see and hear everything over the stairs and he filled in the blanks for me.”

Oh well, at least he knows what to do in a true emergency.