Adult Toys

Check out this article to see what The Worst Mother in the World has to say about adult toys… http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/40235892/ns/today-holiday_guide

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Suck it, Santa!

There will be a day in the near future, possibly Christmas Day, when I will bask in a sweet moment of mommy glory. In that fleeting moment, my spawn will briefly consider me, kind of cool. That will be the moment they open their new Xbox 360 with Kinect…IF I manage to get my hands on [...]

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Glee(p) Show

Why am I having so much trouble mustering the popular mommy outrage at the stars of Glee who did a GQ photo shoot that proudly displays their best bits in outfits that could have been borrowed from the wardrobe closet of nearly any Disney or Nickelodeon show?  These are grown-ass women, who ironically, have tiny asses. If you don’t want [...]

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Refreshing Honesty?

I am a terrible salesperson.  Let me restate that.  I am a fantastic salesperson, as long as I don’t have to make a living at it.  My short-lived time as a Nordstrom salesgirl taught me two things; 1) I LOVE talking to strangers and 2) I would starve if I had to rely on commission [...]

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Not-So-Sweetie-Boy

The time has come to rename Sweetie Boy.  Several reasons; 1) He is no longer fully living up to the placid expectations of his nickname, in fact his behavior of late borders on d——.  and 2) Slightly less compelling to me, he HATES it! The contrarian in me wants to leave it as is for that [...]

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Impressionable Minds Want To Know…

Yes, it is true; I have been woefully neglectful of my responsibilities for the past two weeks.  Last week I pretended to be busy helping with our annual community celebration and planning future events and the week before that I posed as “mommy blogger” and used it as an excuse to spend four days lost [...]

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What’s In Your One Quart Bag?

I have traveled a little bit lately and have another trip in a few weeks (#blogher10). I am a HUGE fan of the How-To-Pack and What To Take articles that reside permanently in women’s magazines. Going on a trip conjures the same feelings as back-to-school prep. For me, checking bags is never an option, a choice [...]

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It Is Torture…Right?

Dear President Obama (@BarackObama), Regardless of how the school year calendar evolved, (farm calendar, hot urban cities, whatever!)  Moms across the nation will agree that there is such a thing as too much quality time.  Torture is illegal, right?  Surely being locked in what amounts to a steel cage death match between mom, and teens, [...]

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Who will be Shiloh’s Wingbaby?

Who will be Shiloh’s Wingbaby?

Worst Mother’s Note:   This is a piece I wrote back in 2008 before those attention-hogging twins Knox and Vivienne came along.  In honor of their birthday I thought it would be fun to revisit the first Jolie-Pitt reproduction. Who cares if Paris Hilton is looking for a new BFF?  The real news is that The [...]

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I’ll Screw You at the Drive-Thru

I’ll Screw You at the Drive-Thru

You’ve probably heard the phrase “they screw you at the drive-through.”  I know I have said it a few times.  Sometimes I feel like the employees at our local Wendy’s, the only drive-thru in town, are out to get me, just for the sport of it. (Okay, sidebar: help me understand why a heli-pad is [...]

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