Safety Mom

As the mom whose kid spent all night in the E.R. trying to dislodge the wad of meat blocking his esophagus I understand it may be overly ballsy to give safety advice, but I just can’t help it tonight. 

A few gentle reminders for parents of small children;

1) Feel free to teach, remind and reinforce to your childcare givers that even small children possess a spine. Today at Tully’s I tried every verbal trick I know to help a nanny recognize that placing a tall, squirming, rollover enabled child on an elevated surface WITHOUT A BUCKLE could result in said gorgeous child dropping to the hard floor with a simple arch of her tiny little back. 

2)Dear Parents everywhere, I know Barbie thinks “math is hard” but the laws of physics are really quite straightforward, even for pretty girls; you are risking your big-headed (see: top-heavy) spawn’s life when you let them cart-surf.  Sure it’s cute and easy to let Junior re-enact the pivotal “king of the world” scene from Titanic, but one sudden I-see-a-good-deal stop could be tragic for your baby. Buckle up!  I am talking to you DADS!!!! Take those warning signs plastered on shopping carts seriously, they are not just edgy decorations.

3) And finally to the brave mother who let her tiny tot climb the steep, shallow, nearly 12 foot tall ladder to get to the top of the giant Group Health slide while she stood out of sight and far away chatting with friends, I can only say Are You F*cking Kidding Me?!? Thank goodness medical attention was mere steps away. My CHILDREN couldn’t believe their eyes and begged to leave, lest they witness a needless fall. I know there is a trend towards helicopter over-parenting, but wing-and-a-prayer is an overreaction in the other direction.  Exercising basic common sense will not dampen your cool factor around people worth knowing.

That is all…for now.

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